Think of an example of homesickness. You are probably thinking of when you were ten and went to summer camp for the first time. But, I bet you might never think about homesickness overwhelming your world when you are eighteen and at college for the first time. After setting up your new room and your new life, sure there may be tears when you say goodbye. Mom will be bawling, dad won’t let you out of his death grip, and little brother and sister are in awe because this is the first time in their lives that you won’t be there.

But after all the goodbyes are over, everything changes, even you. You will realize that your roommate smells kinda funny, the people in the room next to you think that sleep is definitely easier when they blare their music as loud as it can go, and the people in the room above you love to do aerobic exercises at two in the morning. This is when you get homesick.

I was reading when I heard the ding of an incoming IM. I walked over to my computer and saw: marthaaa, please tell me the secret to not being homesick. My friend, Mary (as you know, the names have been changed to protect the innocently homesick) was completely miserable. She was miserable because she did not have a great group of friends yet. She did not know what she wanted to major in and she just realized that home was not home any more. So, here is what I told her and what I have to pass along to you.

1. You can’t be constantly sitting alone in your room thinking about how much you miss being at home. Find something to do. Join clubs, get involved with campus organizations, volunteer, or get a job. When you surround yourself with others who enjoy the same things that you do, chances are that you will meet people like you who will soon become your best friends in college. At my school there is a day once a semester called “Get On Board Day” where all the campus organizations have a table on the Quad where students can stop by to get more information about the club or join it if they want to. Most schools offer something similar to this.

2. Just because you are at college does not mean that you have to totally let go of your previous life. Call home every-so-often. Even if you end up asking for money, your parents will still enjoy hearing from you. Keep in touch with your friends from high school. A great way to do this is writing letters, but you can’t get any letters in your mailbox if you don’t write any. I know that sometimes there is no time to write, but don’t let that deter you. You could send a comic or article from the school paper that you found interesting or funny. Whatever you do, know that mail will definitely brighten your day.

3. Make an effort to find new friends. To have friends, you need to be a friend. In college there are so many types of people that you are bound to find some who are like you. High school might seem so long ago that you don’t even remember what it was like to be in a new school having to make new friends. But you did it then, and you can do it again. You just have to get out there and do the same thing in college. Invite someone to eat lunch with you in the dining hall. Or, ask a couple of people in your math class if they want to get together to study for the next big test. It may sound simple, but you would be amazed at how few people do it. It is hard to put yourself out there like that, but it can pay off in the end.

4. Don’t think about being homesick. Don’t stay awake at night and think about how miserable you are. Fill your days so that by the time you get to bed, you sleep through the night with no problem. Also, even though many claim that, “naps are a college student’s best friend” or “naps are a gift from God,” don’t fall into the trap of napping your day away. This will make you stay awake at night and that tends to make your mind wander to thoughts of loneliness, etc. Sleep is for the nighttime. Most of the activities on campus (including classes) happen during the day. If you sleep through them, you could end up at home either because you are miserable or you are forced to withdraw due to poor academic performance. If you pace yourself, set goals, and work hard, you can have enough time to do your homework, go to club meetings, and have time for fun in the evening, all without having to sacrifice much needed sleep.

5. Think positively! Force yourself to get into the mindset that everything is going to be great. Optimism is the key to success. College is supposed to be one of the best times in your life. This is where you jump-start your career and your life and make friends that will last a lifetime. Make an inspiration board to remind you of home and to keep you excited about college. Artists and writers use these often, but it is about time that the rest of the population got the message. On your board, integrate things from your old and new life: bumper stickers, cards, coupons for food at good places to eat near campus, notes people have sent you, your address and other important information, a schedule of movies that are playing locally, etc. The key is to make a happy spot on your wall that you can look at whenever you want.

6. Keep a daily journal so you can know how you felt at this very moment and how you eventually got over it. My nightly journal documents the things I do, chronicles my feelings, and occupies my time before I go to sleep. But if journals just aren’t your thing, consider keeping a blog (or you can do both, like me). Blogs can be just like journals and can serve as a way to keep in touch with friends, wherever they may be.

7. Realize home is different now too. At your old school, you’re an alum, not a student. All your friends have moved on. You have changed, but so has everyone else. We all have to start over, and that is the fun part. No matter what path you take, you have the opportunity to mature and become a better person. You will be stronger and more independent. You will possess both book knowledge and common sense upon graduation. You will have the opportunity to find out what really matters to you. You will have good and bad experiences, and most importantly, you will be able to learn and grow from those experiences.

8. Do something you love during the middle of the day. This will give you something to look forward to instead of the daily monotony of going to class and studying. Go out to lunch or listen to your favorite music. Make a playlist of music for the next day’s walk to class, so you can look forward to going to class. It does‘nt matter what you do, just get out there and do it. And while you are at it, invite others to do something with you.

Most everyone has felt homesick at one time or another during their lives, but you have never heard of it killing anyone, have you? Your parents might have gone to college and experienced the same things you did. When they got married and moved out of their parents’ house, they had to adjust to a new life. The same is true for your grandparents, friends, family members, and total strangers. Life is a series of adjustments to new settings. You may feel like it’s never going to be completely right, but everyday you can make it better. As Mary said, “It’s like I’m misplaced or something,” and I responded, “And when something is misplaced, you find it. You have to find your place. That is the cool thing—while you are searching, you might just find yourself in the process.”